Wednesday, April 16, 2014

I'M GOING TO BECOME A WEREWOLF........

Spring is a dangerous time of the year for me. For real.

Yes, much to my great delight, I broke my tooth. How you may ask? Ice. I was chewing on ice. Not just any ice…I was cheating and living on the edge. I was drinking a half Coke/ half Diet Coke. I am thinking this is the Universe’s way of punishing me for indulging. 

I really am a nice person. Yes, I have a potty mouth, I stay up too late, I am freaked out by clowns, I fold laundry and never put it away, I sometimes skip to the end of books, I don’t always listen to my messages, I like to pick off nail polish and I think burnt cookies are better than sex, but I do try to be kind. Actually I like nookie way better than cookies, but it sounded good.

Last spring I broke my foot leaping across the floor while teaching upper elementary school kids ballet. I am proud of the fact that not one swear word passed my lips. I can’t say the same about the tooth incident today. I was alone, so I let her rip. Buttassmunchfucker has now been added to my vocabulary. However, cocksuckertoothshitass is right up there too. If I was a Werewolf or a Vampyre this would not be happening. So I’ve decided to give up my humanity and become a Werewolf. I think being a Vampyre would be difficult because I don’t love the taste of blood. I collect stray animals so clearly it would work getting furry. Fangs would be stronger than teeth and bones would heal faster. This would solve a multitude of issues, although I would also end up institutionalized, which might suck.

I suppose I will have to lay off the hard stuff (meaning ice) and realize that when you’re forty-blahblahblah nothing works as well as it used to. I will tuck my delusions of becoming a Werewolf back into my books and I will more than likely have a wonderful time getting a root canal. I promise to share…

Speaking of my books and Werewolves…READY TO WERE is awesome and I am loving writing it. I can’t wait till you guys can read it. I will post excerpts soon. 

Thank you for listening to me bitch. There is more of Spring left, so I plan to be careful. I have no time to break anything else. 
Till next time,
xoxo Robyn 


PS. If you haven’t read FASHIONABLY DEAD, it’s freeeeeeeeeeee!!! And FASHIONABLY DEAD DOWN UNDER is out and kicking some major cocksuckertoothshitass. 


20 comments:

  1. Omg, this is hilarious, sorry for your ...incident, LOL! Just get a crash-test-dummy helmet, wrap bubble wrap all over the rest of your goodies, and keep smiling sunshine, because you're fucking special! =P

    Okay I read the "keep smiling sunshine, because you're fucking special" on something else a long time ago and fell in love with it, so I use it any chance I get...LOL.
    I think you'd be an excellent choice for the werewolf race, good luck!

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  2. <<<>>>

    Yes, getting old is hell, but as my pathologist hubby always says, "It beats the alternative." He's done lots of autopsies, so he knows of what he speaks.

    As for becoming a werewolf - well, while the stronger teeth and bones and healing ability would be seriously cool. I'm thinking the furry part, not so much. But the waxing specialists in your part of Kentucky would love you to pieces and buy Aston Martins and have Cayman Island vacations on your dime.

    So my advice - stay human, use the money you save from not having to wax al that werewolf fur and get your tooth fixed. Then switch to crushed ice. The half-Coke/half Diet Coke is not evil - it's just human.

    Love you, sweetie pie.

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    1. I LOVE YOU MORE!!! I shall heed your advice and leave the becoming a Werewolf thing alone for the time being.

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  3. You know you really aren't supposed to chew ice, right?? Hope you feel better and good job at keeping a keen sense of humor through it all.

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    1. I have decided to give up ice altogether!!!

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    2. Probably a good idea. At least until you can overcome the desire to chew it.

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  4. Put the word "hugs" in those sideways karats. For some HTML reason - it was left out. Sheesh, I should know better. ;)

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    Replies
    1. I can teach you anything you need to know about the computer......LOL

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    2. Soooo, why am I all of a sudden afraid? lmao

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  5. Awesome! You are funny! Love that! Hugs!

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  6. Sorry about you tooth Robyn...and the root canal. I love love love your books! I have been singing your praises since I discovered Fashionably Dead and marked days off the calendar waiting for its sequille. Love your refined since of sarcasm! Feel better soon.

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    1. Thank you!! So happy you enjoy the books!

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  7. Good Lord you are hysterical! I love a funny woman. Love your books and your characters. Naming a baby demon Beyonce is genius. But...don't give up ice altogether. What else would you pour your vodka over??

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    1. You are correct. I will take that into consideration!

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