Friday, February 15, 2013

GENITALS ON FIRE???? Noooo, Pens on Fire!!!!


























Ooookay, several friends thought this said Penis on Fire.....when I first saw it, I did too. BUT IT'S NOT!! That would be awkward and unpleasant and illegal. It's Pens...Pens on Fire and I will be there. I encourage all of you in the area to come and see if I can get through talking about HOW HARD CAN IT BE? without saying any potty words. I can. Yes, I can.
There will be some cool authors joining me and people will be signing their book. I will sign your Kindle or your Nook or your hand or your left butt cheek. Kidding! I think that might be illegal. If you're interested you can follow the link below and sign up!

http://woodfordcountylibrary.com/EventDetail.asp?CalID=1443&varDate=2%2F23%2F2013

If you haven't read HOW HARD CAN IT BE? get a copy and I will challenge you to the pork sword game! Don't ask unless you really want to know......

Buy My Book!!!
http://www.amazon.com/How-Hard-Can-Be-ebook/dp/B009T9SCRG/ref=la_B00A7D7DPA_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1352920534&sr=1-1



Monday, February 11, 2013

BOOTIE SHORTS AND CORSETS........


DRESSING UP CAN FREE YOUR INNER (FILL IN THE BLANK...)

I just bought a corset, bootie shorts, fish nets and a tutu....and I’m planning on wearing these items in public. Have I lost my mind? Clearly, yes. BUT, I didn’t pick this ensemble out...my super hot hubby did. Thank you Jesus on a moped that he still finds it necessary to dress me up like a hooker! Apparently my sweat pants aren’t sexy.... 
I’m not wearing this to drop my kids off at school. Nope, I’m wearing it through the streets of New Orleans on Mardi Gras Day! Thankfully there will be people looking even scarier than I do!
I will let my inner-hooker free and wander with my family (who will also be wigged and decked out) through the wildly forgiving streets of NOLA!!!! My wig is royal blue, my daughter’s is lime green and my son’s is wild brown sausage curls (tucked underneath an awesome pirate hat). Of course, hot hubby will be in a powder wig!!!
Yes, I will take pictures. And No, I probably won’t post them....
What, you may ask does this have to do with writing? Actually, a lot.....in a round about way! New Orleans is where I first started writing for real. This magical, crazy city inspires me like no other. I am obsessed with the cemeteries and the people and the food....There’s a feeling I get when I’m down here, like anything is possible. It’s the same feeling I have on a crisp fall evening. The kind that smells and feels like a high school football game...or twilight in New York on a perfect Spring day. 
Since I’m deeply ensconced in my Vampires right now, I’m in the best place I could be. Mardi Gras and looking like a hooker are just a bonus!
If you haven’t read HOW HARD CAN IT BE? check it out! Reviews are rockin’ and I’m so proud and excited is embarrassing! I’ll be posting chapter one from FASHIONABLY DEAD on my website soon. It is coming out the end of April!!!! 

Go Buy My Book and let your own inner hooker fly free....it feels great!

 
Check out my website!! My Twitter feed is on it now.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

MEET COOL CHICKIE AND AUTHOR, NIECEY ROY!!


MEET ANOTHER ONE OF MY AUTHOR BUDDIES TODAY! HER NAME IS NIECEY ROY AND SHE'S GOT A BRAND NEW ROCKIN' BOOK OUT CALLED "FENDER BENDER BLUES"

Authors are some of the most generous and fun people I know! A cool way to meet new ones is through blogs of authors you already enjoy. Niecey and I became friends on Facebook (of all random things) and realized we had a ton in common. We were both debut authors with books coming out very close to each other. Niecey is a great talent and a cool chick! Check out her new book, FENDER BENDER BLUES, and learn a little about her on my blog today!

How does it feel to be a published author? 
Kinda like I was just elected President of the United States sans the media circus and headache. Plus, I’m pretty sure being a published author is way more fun than being President. He can’t say the F word. That would suck. 

Why do you enjoy writing contemporary romance? 
Contemporary romance is real. Well, besides the fictional part. But it’s more real than writing about werewolves (not saying I’ll never write about werewolves, I might!). I can relate to the characters I write about. 

How did you start writing? 
I wrote my first little story in the third grade, a murder/mystery. In my story, someone off-ed our teacher in a burglary gone bad and it was my job to find the jerk. Of course, I was a third grader and not being a hero wasn’t an option, so in my story, I solved the mystery. I then quickly moved on to poetry full of teenager angst and unrequited love. Eeekkkk. ’Nuff said. 

What do you do for writer’s block? 
I don’t know, stress a little, drink a beer, put my feet up, chew a million sunflower seeds… I don’t get writer’s block very often. My “blockage” comes from having too many ideas in my head and not being able to settle on one thing to write. It’s an issue. 

Where do you get your ideas? 
Every day life. I have a goofball husband, some hilarious friends, and I’m kind of a goofball myself. That’s why I write contemporary romantic comedy. The ideas are always flowing. 

What’s next for you?
I’m just concentrating on writing contemporary for the moment. I have a YA paranormal romance I’ve been brainstorming, and a sci-fi futuristic romance I’ve wanted to do for a few years. 

If you weren’t a writer what would you be? 
At one time I thought I’d be a lawyer. Working for one makes me realize how much I do not want to be a lawyer. So I’m glad I never followed through with that one. I’m content to be the legal assistant, but mostly because I can still write while doing it. Now, if I absolutely could not write and I didn’t have to worry about money, I’d be an artist. I used to paint. I don’t have time for it now. 

What inspires you most? 
My kids. I want to be successful for them. Selling books means I can send them to college. 

What makes you laugh? Cry? 
My kids. Every day they make me laugh. Thinking of anything that might harm them makes me cry. 

Favorite word? 
Fuck. I say it a lot, even when I’m trying not to. Ugh. It’s a serious problem. 

Favorite color? 
Bright shades of blue, like aqua, azure and turquoise. 

Favorite food? 
Supreme pizza. 

Favorite bad word? 
Fuck. Again, I say it a lot. Especially when I’m drinking. I’m blaming it on my dad. He was a Navy sailor. 

Favorite movie? 
You know, this is a really tough question. But a movie I really love and enjoy watching always is The Secret Garden, the one filmed in 1993. Obviously, I am a romantic, which to me means I also have to love gorgeous English rose gardens, right? Of course! I always said I’d have a garden like on The Secret Garden. Still working on it. I’m thinking it might take me a lifetime, ha! 

Favorite book from childhood? 
I loved Anne of Green Gables. 

Favorite book now? 
I honestly don’t have a favorite book. I like so many books. I have found I love everything written by Patricia Cornwell. She’s my favorite author, and I devour her books. 

What authors inspire you? 
Ah! Answered that above. Patricia Cornwell. If she were here, we’d probably fist pump. She’s cool like that. 

Thanks for having me today, Robyn! And if you don’t mind, I’d like to share a blurb for my debut, humorous contemporary romance, Fender Bender Blues. 

Niecey’s back cover blurb!!!

FENDER BENDER BLUES

Her life took a wrong turn. He's driven by success. They didn't count on crashing into love...

Rachel Bennett loved her job until the day she finds herself doubting her choices.  Now she's hunting for a new career, but starting over isn't easy.  Her plan is simple—no distractions until she finds her dream job.  She didn't plan on fate throwing her a curveball in the form of a fender bender with a sexy guy in an expensive suit.

Craig Larsen is a wealthy, successful business owner with a plan of his own: survive his current PR nightmare and stay away from his overly determined ex-girlfriend.  His need for control and personal success is turned upside down when he meets Rach, a sassy redhead who can't drive.

Soon they find themselves battling with Rach's grumpy old neighbor, toilet-papering the trees of a high school nemesis, and fighting over the last slice of pizza.  Can two very different people plus one fender bender equal a chance at forever?

Here’s the info on how to contact Niecey and how to buy her book! Buy her Book at Amazon!!!

Niecey Roy
Fender Bender Blues, a romantic comedy
January 24, 2013 exclusive Amazon digital release
Coming May 3, 2013 everywhere
published by Wild Rose Press

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

MY GUEST, AMY DURHAM!!! SQUEEEEE!


I am a very lucky girl. I happen to be in a writing group with amazing and talented women. I’d like to introduce you to one of these awesome gals! Her name is Amy Durham and she is a rockin’ author of Young Adult fiction. I read her latest release and it was wonderful. It’s called ONCE AND AGAIN and today you can meet her and learn a little about her and then....you can go buy her book!!

First of all, thanks Robyn for inviting me over to your corner of the blogosphere! I’m reading “How Hard Can it Be?” right now and laughing out loud every other second or so! I really appreciate the chance to come and share a bit of my work with your readers.


Why do you enjoy writing YA?
I LOVE reading and writing YA. I kind of fell into it by accident, but I feel like my abilities are best used in YA. I love that when I’m writing I’m transported back to those years. I can revisit the exuberance of youth, relive the emotional “high” of first love, and remember the fun times! I also love looking back on high school as an adult, with all the knowledge and experienced I’ve gained in the years (And NO, I’m not telling how many!) since I graduated! YA spans generations, and I love that I can talk about my book or any other YA book with the students I see every day at school. 
What do you do for writers block? 
Read. Always. Nothing gets my own creative forces moving again like reading something amazing… or even something not so amazing. It makes me want to dig back and make my own story happen!

Your imagination is wonderful! Where do you get your ideas? 
Oh gosh… I don’t even know. These people just show up in my head and start interacting and talking and being attracted to each other… and I just sort of go along for the ride! I know that sounds crazy, but it’s pretty close to the truth! The seed of a story usually starts with a couple of characters and the hint of a relationship or a conflict between them. Then my mind starts filling in the blanks. I “plot” a lot at night when I’m going to sleep. Stories “percolate” in my brain that way for months (most of the time) before I start writing them, and at any given time I’ve got about five of those going on!

What’s next for you? 
I’m writing another YA Paranormal Romance titled “Dusk”. “Once And For All”, my current release is book two in my Sky Cove Series (“Once Again” is book one.), but I’m departing from Sky Cove for a bit to finish “Dusk”. It’s about halfway finished and features a hero who’s a bit more than human!

If you weren’t a writer what would you be? 
A chef. For sure. Cooking is my “other” creative outlet. I’m addicted to Food Network. I want to be Iron Chef Alex Guarnaschelli when I grow up!

What inspires you most?
Love. I’m a sap. I admit it. Two people falling in love fascinates me! What’s more complex and amazing and satisfying than that?

 What makes you laugh?
Most recently… “Duck Dynasty” on A&E.  And your book, of course, Robyn!

 Favorite word?
Am I allowed to say it here? Ha! No really, I’ve never really thought about it, but I really love the word “myriad”. Life is full of possibilities, and I think the word “myriad” describes that beautifully.

Favorite color?
Blue

Favorite food?
There are so many! These days it’s gumbo. We went to New Orleans on vacation in 2011. My oldest son fell in love with gumbo, so when we got home, I learned how to make it. And now everybody loves it!

Favorite bad word?
Whichever one happens to pop out when I stump my toe really hard!


Favorite movie?
When Harry Met Sally, Notting Hill, and P.S. I Love You


Favorite book from childhood? 
Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White


Favorite book now? 
My favorite books are “Fair Haven” by JoAnn Ross and “Jewels of the Sun” by Nora Roberts. My favorite book I’ve read recently is “Hopeless” by Colleen Hoover.



What authors inspire you?
Rachel Vincent, Tiffany King, Nyrae Dawn, and Jessica Sorenson. All of these are YA authors. Rachel Vincent writes kicking YA urban fantasy. Tiffany King, Nyrae Dawn, and Jessica Sorenson all write realistic, gritty YA, sometimes dealing with heavy, relevant topic like abuse, suicide, weight issues, etc.

Here’s Amy back cover blurb from ONCE AND AGAIN
What happens when 180 pounds of football star collides with 105 pounds of art geek?

An ancient curse springs to life, of course.

Phoebe Campbell is anything but popular. Todd Miller is the epitome of the high school jock. Their socially opposite worlds collide when they are paired to work together on a project for art class. Attempting to cooperate for the sake of their assignment, Todd and Phoebe begin to look past preconceived notions and see each other for who they truly are. As genuine feelings begin to develop between them, they find themselves plagued by dangerous shape-shifting episodes and unexplained telepathic connections. 

In order to stop the mysterious occurrences, Phoebe and Todd are forced into a mission to uncover the truth. In their quest, they discover unsettling stories that hint at a previous existence, and also clues to an ancient curse that has never been broken.

Can they learn to love each other despite the typical high school social expectations? And will their love be the key that breaks the ancient curse once and for all? 



Here’s how to connect with my buddy Amy and where to buy her amazing new book!!! Buy Her Book!!


Contact Amy online:
twitter.com/Amy_Durham

Find ONCE AND FOR ALL at:
AMAZON

B&N

ALL ROMANCE EBOOKS

SMASHWORDS

KOBO




Friday, February 1, 2013

OMG, IT'S ALIVE......


HOW HARD CAN IT BE? came out January 17th and I’m still pinching myself everyday! The simple fact that at forty-blah-blah-blah dreams can still come true is astounding.
The reviews are great and the two bad ones are really stinkin’ bad! I am a full service offender and have clearly offended a few readers sensibilities.... My Dad always said, “Make them love you or hate you...don’t let them forget you.” With my warped brand of humor I’m taking his advice seriously! 
Exciting news is that the screen play for HHCIB? is done! It’s off to LaLa land and we will see what happens. I kind of fear the reaction, but they know what their getting, they optioned the book in the first place! Jim (my screen writing partner) and I had a hell of a time making cuts. Actually, I had a hard time making cuts...Jim had to deal with a whiney pouty pain in the assmonkey (me).
The other squeehaw news is that my first paranormal, FASHIONABLY DEAD, will be released at the end of April! I luuurve me some vamps and I hope you guys are ready for some sexy, snarky, undead hotties! I’ll be posting chapters on my website soon.
I’ve also become addicted to Scrabble on line. Thank you Jim, you suck.
Here’s the teaser for HOW HARD CAN IT BE? for those of you that haven’t read it yet. And if you haven’t read it yet....Buy my book.

I stopped dead in my tracks.
Ten feet away stood the most beautiful man I’d ever seen in my life. More beautiful than my new neighbor, Mr. Fine-ass. I felt light-headed and realized I’d ceased to breathe. Sandy blond hair, full lips, eyelashes that belonged on a girl, and a build like a brick shithouse. He didn’t fit in here. His jeans and dark gray T-shirt covered by a rockin’ black leather bomber were hotter than hot. He was holding a folder and kept glancing at it. No ring on his left hand. Aces! He looked about thirty-five or so. Absolutely perfect. With my luck he was probably gay.
What the hell was wrong with me? I wasn’t here to pick up guys. I was here trying not to get arrested. My brain knew that, but all my girlie parts were screaming something else entirely. There was no security guard in sight . . . maybe, just maybe . . . No, absolutely not. I couldn’t take the chance of going back to jail. It wasn’t a parking violation; it was a restraining order, for shit’s sake. But if I didn’t show myself, there was no way my future husband would notice me. I was covered up like a fashion-impaired nun. Maybe I could remove the disguise just for a minute . . . make eye contact, ask him to marry me, and then finish what I came here for. No, wait, maybe I’d deliver the package first and then tackle him to the ground and have my way with him . . . No, wait, what if he left while I was delivering the goods? And what if I got arrested before he noticed I was alive? Jesus Christ, I needed to get laid. This was the second stranger I’d considered marrying in two days and I’d only seen the other one’s butt.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

KEEP THE FRIENDS THAT SET YOUR HEAD ON FIRE!


Keeping the friends that set your hair on fire is important....
Well, almost set your hair on fire. For example, my friend Jim. We’ve been best friends since I was eighteen and now I’m forty-blah-blah-blah. Suffice it to say it’s been a looong time. Jim’s an actor and a very good one. Back in the day, when I was still an actor we did a bunch of shows together in Chicago. One of them was GREASE, I was Frenchy and he was Sonny. At the part where we all think Rizzo is knocked up, Jim (Sonny) was supposed to lean into me (Frenchy) and whisper the rumor....He did, with a lit cigarette in his mouth (yes, people used to smoke on stage)
I smelled a hideous odor. It was my bright orange wig lighting up. Thankfully Jim slapped the side of my head quite soundly and put the flames out before my entire head was on fire....Cheap fake hair with buttloads of hair spray in it and flames are a very baaaad combo!
Oh, and there was also the time Jim and another cast member (my boyfriend at the time who shall remain nameless) glued the face of a female cast member onto the crotch of a naked spread eagle woman in a magazine I was supposed to read on stage....Choked with laughter, I couldn’t get my lines out. I laughed so hard that the audience started to laugh...in confusion. All three of us got written up by the stage manager. Good times, good times. 
So as you can plainly see, I could never let Jim go. Someone with a deviously creative mind like his is a keeper! I have gotten him back for these things many times over the years. The reason I share these trips down memory lane is because Jim is at my house now helping me write the screen play for HOW HARD CAN IT BE? and it’s not an easy task....
I have pouted and cried about having to cut scenes and combine characters. A lesser man would have told me to shove it up my whiney ass and left, but thankfully Jim can handle me. (or at least ignore me) I have been as asshat and an assmonkey, but we’re writing an amazing script.
So the lesson here is flaming hair, asshats, tiny faces in the crotches of naked spread eagle women and getting written up to the actor’s union make relationships stronger. I hope you have a Jim in your life. I’m sure as hell glad I do.
Buy my book!
P.S. I'm the one in the picture with the scary blond wig and the super cute head tilt and Jim is in the back row holding fuzzy dice....

Here's the Amazon link! Squeeehaw HOW HARD CAN IT BE? is finally on sale for real!!!!!

Monday, January 7, 2013

LAXATIVES, AMERICAN IDOL AND WRONG NUMBERS PART 2...(I called Didi)


LAXATIVES, AMERICAN IDOL AND WRONG NUMBERS......(I called Didi)

*********Heads up! This was on my Facebook page, but there’s more! I bent to the pressure and called Didi. She was alive.........

Tonight on my home phone, which is unlisted, I got a message. It was clearly a wrong number, but it was so fascinating I listened to it five times. A gal named (I’ll call her Didi) let me know that she wasn’t coming to work tomorrow. And she let me know with attitude. Bad attitude. She said she ate too much over the weekend, had taken some laxatives to solve the problem and had been on the toilet for six hours straight. (OMG)
Apparently (This part was a little difficult to understand, which is why I replayed it five times.) she was wanting to lose weight to try out for that singing show (American Idol? The Voice? America’s Got Talent? Sadly, she didn’t say which one.) and she was really f#$king pissed at herself for eating so much over the weekend. She didn’t think she would get much work done sitting on the toilet all day, so she wasn’t coming in. If I had a problem with that, I could call her back........(more attitude)
Believe me, I was tempted. I’ve heard a lot of excuses in my forty blahblahblah years, but that was one of the best. I have no idea if she was lying, but she sounded for real. At first I thought it was my friend Sam, he likes to screw with me that way, but it wasn’t him.
I had so many questions for Didi. Which show was she trying out for? How many freakin’ laxatives did she take? What in the hell did she do for a living? Should she go to the hospital? Part of me wanted to let her know she didn’t actually call her boss, but I was worried about cutting into her toilet time. Plus her attitude was a little scary.
I suppose to pay tribute to Didi (not her real name) for making me laugh, I will use her in a story. Although, sitting on the toilet for six hours after taking a wad of laxatives due to overeating is not very romance worthy......Whatever, I’ll work it in somehow. The lesson here is inspiration comes from the oddest places and laxatives are not the answer. Ever.

*******Update: After lots of pressure from friends on my Facebook page, I called Didi to let her know she called the wrong number last night. It went something like this.....

(me) Hi, um...Didi?
(Didi) Yeah, who is this? (back ground chatter) Hang on. Would you people shut up? I’m on the damn phone. Yeah, who is this?
(me) It’s Joan Smith. (first name that popped into my head) You, um called me last night to ahhh, let me know about your bathroom problem and um...
(Didi) Wait a minute, did Jarinda put you up to this shit?
(me) No, actually you called the wrong number last night and I felt bad and um...was worried you got in trouble with you boss and I was kinda curious about a couple of things... 
(Didi) (Huge burst of laughter) Are you f$%kin’ kidding me? I thought that ass was just tryin’ to get me fired. He said he didn’t get any message. Are you sure this isn’t Jarinda?
(me) Yep, I’m sure. God, did you get fired? ( I started sweating. I felt nauseous and guilty.)
(Didi) No, but it’d be awfully helpful if you would call Tony and let him know that I called in. I mean, that sum-bitch has it out for me. Let me give you the number. (lots of shuffling and shouting) Here it’s 555-555-5555. Call him now, he’s probably eatin’ dinner.
(me) Do you think it would help?
(Didi) No, but I think it would piss him off and screw up his dinner.
(me) Well, if you feel strongly about this I suppose I could ahhh, call.
(Didi) Nah, don’t worry about it, Jean.
(me) Joan.
(Didi) Right.
(me) Did do you mind if I ask what show you’re trying out for?
(Didi) American Idol. (background chatter and dogs barking) Shut the hell up, can’t you see I’m on the phone?
(me) Well I hope you make it.
(Didi) You too.
(me) Okay well, um, thanks.

So many questions left unanswered...she kind of threw me at the end wishing me luck on my American Idol audition. The lesson here is to make sure you actually talk to someone if you’re not coming to work due to explosive diarrhea. I will definitely look for Didi (not her real name) on American Idol and if I see her I will vote for her. I’m still unsure if the laxative thing was for real, but I have a feeling it was.....Calling Didi wore my ass out. I felt the same way I did when I made prank phone calls in Middle school. So that’s it folks. I called and I didn’t get my ass chewed out. Didi is trying out for American Idol, she’s alive and she didn’t get fired. Have a lovely night and buy my book!


http://www.robynpeterman.com